The Drunk, The Prick, and The Great Gambino

So, this was my entry for the KSR "Who Wants to be a Blogger Contest", and was compiled around June 26th. Little did I know that it would soon become SOO true.

Way out in Kentucky there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Billy Clyde Gillispie. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Gillispie, he called himself "The Drunk". Now, "Drunk" - there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Drunk that didn't make a whole lot of sense. Though sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Drunk. The Drunk, from Lexington. And even if he's a lush - and the Drunk was most certainly that. Quite possibly the biggest lush in all of Fayette County, which would place him high in the runnin' for biggest lush worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.

You see the Drunk bounced around from college to college moving up in the rankings quicker than the Little Gillispie Urban Achievers could shoot up the collegiate rankings. Finally the Drunk landed what he perceived to be his dream job, right in the heart of central Kentucky coaching for the University of Kentucky Wildcats. It is here that the roots of this story firmly take grasp and began to sprout up like a sasparilla vine. From the beginning the fans embraced the Drunk and really took to his aw shucks country ways. With the signing of a man called PPat it looked like only happy days were on the horizon. It wasn't until them Runnin' Bulldogs of Gardner Webb came crashing through that there was a sign that maybe this dream wasn't all it seemed. For two long years the Drunk insulted, pillaged, and drank his way through Lexington armed with only a MOU, a tape deck, and some Creedence tapes. After a trip to the dreaded N.I.T., the Drunk found himself flat on his back and in need of some serious soul searching.

Well, the Drunk isn't the kind of man that just lies around trying to fix things in the past. Without any job openings fit for a man of his stature, he found himself needing to escape the high class living and follow in the footsteps of his role model, Kwai Chang Caine. You got, it folks: it was time for the Drunk to "walk the earth". This time, instead of the Creedence tapes, the Drunk would only have his two God-given abilities: an indestructible liver and a keen eye for newly-minted twenty-one-year-olds. Armed with these weapons, the Drunk set out west to drink and pillage college towns across this great country we call America. The tales that I could unfold from his journey across the land would leave many a young lad speechless, I have even heard that his "number" grew to epic proportions, rivaling the Great Chamberlain of many years prior. But viewers, I can't end our hero's tale there, it's time that I pick up our journey outside Barstow in a seedy motel.

Stuck in Barstow, broke, boozed up, and miles away from the nearest sorority house, the Drunk finally realized that unlike Caine, he had found his calling in life many moons before. The Drunk's earlier prophecy of his "dream job" was actually half right. Instead of dream job, the Drunk had found his dream city. It is to be told that the Drunk needed to return to the scene of his most Everestesque conquests. Having recently been referred to as a "prick" for close to the millionth time and near the bottom of a Kentucky Gentleman bottle---the Drunk saw a sign. He was to team up with the great Prickett from over in West Virginia and resurrect a monument to boozing,whore-mongering, debauchery, and depravity of which our great city of Lexington has only seen once before. They were to call this monument the Great Gambino's: Volume Deuce. Free from the restraints of coaching, bouncers, and angry bartenders the Drunk finally abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there, doing the Lord's work...The Drunk...Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners!